Right from the beginning the female athlete gets sucker punched!
“Be pretty. Be more feminine. Be skinny. Be like her, don’t be like her.” Girls are indoctrinated into society’s version of femininity before they even hit puberty. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being feminine, any more than it’s wrong to be masculine. Even with great parents who understand the road to athletic success, girls have society punching them in the back of the head every day! This is what you should look like, here is how your hair needs to be, look at how pretty she is. Smile more! Wear this not that. Social media, the news, and the moms at the club. The female is sent a confusing and almost insurmountable pedigree they must live up to. Here is the Victoria Secret’s catalog, and look here is SI’s calendar. Social media is rife with images and personifications of what society thinks females should be and look like. And look here, if you don’t conform to all of these stereotypes, there will be consequences!
The Pictures
One winter a few years back I gave an on court presentation on movement at a prestigious University. A friend and I walked a corridor near the indoor tennis courts. She said “look at this photo Jim. What do you see?” I said it was the men’s team. Then she said “look at this photo Jim. What do you see?” I said it was the women’s team. Then she asked me to see the difference. She pointed out that the guys were serious, and were not smiling, they were stoic and tough looking. A ready for competition kind of look. I don’t remember what they were wearing. The women by contrast were smiling and some had bows in their hair and short skirts and tank tops. I was lost on the intention of the photograph. The guys had a competitive look to them and the girls looked happy. The difference when pointed out to me was striking. Why were the two teams portrayed so differently?
The Rub
These are competitors of sports performance. It would be foolish to think that society doesn’t influence the photography. However, there it was. A stereotype right there for everyone to see. The expectations are different. But why should they be? The men are expected to be tough and ready and the women are expected to be pretty and appealing. There is no debate really on that message. The conflict is that in sports we are all expected to compete at our very best physically, emotionally, and tactically. Complete investment by the time you reach national or international levels. You must be singularly focused and committed. There is no denying there are different expectations. But, to what end? Culturally it is a great deal to bear if you are a competitive female. The expectations for athletic performance, come with a bounty of conflicting expectations.
Period
One day a little girl gets her very first period (menarche). That day comes with changes that belie the beauty of Mother Nature’s gift. The pain, not just from cramps but from the burden of now having to be ready to dart into the nearest bathroom, often at unpredictable moments. At first many young ladies feel embarrassed or overwhelmed. With time the arrival becomes more predictable and with maturation they grow into young women. However, the tiredness, the low iron, the need for calories, and everything that goes with it lasts for the majority of their lives. Then bam menopause! Another joy. Let us also mention the need to carry around tampons, pads, ibuprofen and a change of clothes. AND, they now have to train, practice, and compete on virtually the same schedule and expectations as the guys? Expectations don’t change on winning just because “you got your period.” The period comes with gastrointestinal distress sometimes headaches, cramps, nausea, soiled clothing. I forgot bloating! If that’s not enough, our ladies even have to go to a different doctor that specializes in women’s gynecology! Mother Nature delivering at her finest. Contrast all of that with the average male athlete simply needing to arrive and compete or train.
Gearing Up
Bras suck, I heard my wife tell me one day (she actually yelled it). She said “you know what it’s like to run with a shitty bra on?” I said at 58 I’m beginning to! I got a chuckle. She then gave me the short version of the various bra’s and their inconveniences, and their profound discomfort which arrives at various times and circumstances. “Not everyone can buy top of the line clothing or equipment in case you didn’t know” she said, having grown up poor and having wear the results of cheap department store brands and worse. There are a large variety of use and comfort issues with these inferior brands. Some bras don’t have enough support, some are poorly made, sometimes you forget and have to wear a non sports bra that has metal support instead of the usual sports intended version. Many girls and women actually change into a sports bra at practice or matches too. So something else that needs to be addressed. Sometimes they break and dig into you. Sometimes they simply don’t work that well. Face it, men simply don’t have as much to deal with. Not even close Billy!
It Get’s Better
UTI’s, yeast infections, ovary issues, periods starting early, starting late. The UTI’s alone may not only sideline an athlete, it can land them in the hospital if not treated quickly. Gynecologists? You get the picture!
Practicing With A Cold
I’ll never forget practicing with a cold and being the biggest baby about it. “I can’t breathe, I can’t smell, I’m tired.”
I whined like a Sicilian Donkey! Not long ago, one of my female students had a cold, had cramps, and an upset stomach. She never said a word to me. Her mom called before practice and said she would be too embarrassed to tell me herself. She soldiered through practice never saying a word. Sweating, suffering, not able to breathe and having to take occasional breaks she worked her ass off.
Look, society is going to do what society is going to do. We all feel pressure, we all feel the need to conform in various aspects of our lives. I’m not saying that as males everything is easy or that society doesn’t put pressure on us as well. I have certainly suffered at the hands of my own false bravado and pressures of the male stereotype. I am not even taking into account gender, race, or sexual orientation. I will in another post, as all of those require attention and dialogue.
REMEMBER
If you are a female athlete I hope you can appreciate a male writing this. If you are a female who is not an athlete maybe you thought about this when you see women competing. As a male though, maybe the next time you have the opportunity, you can respect the journey a female athlete goes on. If you are a coach, a dad or a mentor to young men, take a minute once in a while to educate some young man on the efforts and differences of his female peers and teach respect and empathy. They seem rare traits these days!